The Top 5 Awesomely Terrible Songs

Now we all have those songs on our iPod’s that are meant to be funny, whether they be inside jokes that form from association, like that time we almost got Bill laid by putting on “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by Wham, or whether they’re actually funny songs like all of Weird Al’s famed discography. There is sarcasm there.

But in the day of Tenacious D and Flight of the Conchords, the art of making funny music seems to be mainly built on delivering offbeat punchlines over sweet instrumentals (I mean, Kyle Gass is a beast at guitar). But there is that market out there…those people that take themselves a bit too seriously, or perhaps go in the opposite direction and go completely off the deep end in an effort to gain notoriety, and with that I present to you…the top five songs that may be funny, but are also awesome.

5. The Rock ft. Slick Rick-Pie



It’s funny to think that a decade ago the Rock wasn’t a Hollywood star, but it always is a little fun to reminisce about the olden days of Rocky’s wrestling career. Whether it be his notable feuds, or his trademark promos, The Rock seemed to be the hands down king of pro wrestling. But the comedy-rap track off of WWF The Music: Volume 5 in 2001 “Pie” was met with harsh criticism, saying it wasn’t funny and it took away from Rocky’s credibility. Amazon.com user Jay Hunter deemed the song, “A rather poor attempt at the Rock at lyrical humour.” But…it’s one of those songs you just have to listen to, and in it’s poorness, it is genius. The Rock knows how absolutely corny the song is, but he runs with it and makes it an ingenious track that makes you want to show your friends, and has you humming along with gospel singers and spitting The Rock’s poorly delivered raps. Dats good pie!

4. Riskay-Smell Yo Dick



The title of the song makes you laugh, as does the hook “Why you comin’ home / 5 in tha morn / Somethings going on can I smell yo dick?” But this track is awesome because there is sincerity in it. Riskay actually wants to boil down to the problem she’s having and find out if her man is cheating or not, and what’s the easiest way? Smelling his dick when he comes home at 5 AM from a night of doing who knows what! And the verses are great, the third verse, done by rapper Real, is a highlight, denying his girl the right to smell his dick. If it weren’t for the chorus, this marvelous track would fumble, but Riskay hit the gold mine.

3. Leonard Nimoy- The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins



This cult hymn based on The Hobbit was and written by composer Charles Randolf Grean. The subject matter is laughable, and considering it’s Spock singing, the track loses all credibility and just becomes a hokey gimmick for Sci-Fi nerds. But what makes the “Ballad” great is the backing band, the music itself is incredibly catchy and they seemed to know just how to wrap the music around the stupidity of the lyrics. And the bassoon solo towards the end is just classic. Leonard really should be a mainstay in music, but I guess Shatner was too hard of a competitor.

2. Chuggo-Ah C’Mon



Canadian based rapper Chuggo is one of the ugliest and most annoying people I’ve ever seen. He’s short, he’s weird looking, and he carries a big skull staff wherever he goes. That enough gives him this spot on the list. However, on the track “Ah C’Mon” Chuggo really exceeds all of the weirdness contributed to him by his image alone. He raps like he has a disorder of sorts, and he fumbles lines in order to fit them into the beat. The first verse is classic in regard to his relentless confidence in the terrible, terrible rhymes, the blink-drink-stink-ink rhyme scheme is classic. And the video is a perfect sidekick to the music, placing Chuggo in front of green screens, throwing trashy women on top of him, and having his friends pretend like they’re driving a car when they clearly aren’t. But the beat is infectious, the simple piano line is extremely entertaining, and the rousing chorus will have you singing along before the song is even over. At the end of the video we see a Hollywood-esque sign in the hills that reads “Chuggo Would” and when you listen to this song, it all makes sense.

1. Kevin Federline- PopoZão



Most well known for his marriage to the talent-less Britney Spears, Kevin Federline went from being hated by the world, to being sympathized for, because after all, who wants to be the one guy to say he is the father of the bald umbrella wielding woman’s children? But who can forget K-Fed’s attempt at music, before he released his album Playing With Fire, he put the track “PopoZão” on the internet in hopes of gaining some buzz. But when critics bashed it’s corny themes and even cornier lyrics, Federline pulled it from the album. But let’s take a step back. What makes a pop track in this day and age? A good beat, PopoZão has this. A dance? Watch the video, Kevin gives this a dance. A catchy hook? The first time I heard it I couldn’t stop singing “Po-po-po-po PopoZão! PopoZão!” and what else, oh a talentless leech rapping? Federline fits the bill. This track is glorious, and the video of Federline in the studio is priceless, I mean, how many people can honestly sit in the studio, play their track and dance along like him? He just wants to see some po-po-zao.

Why doesn't this happen more often?

I was aimlessly searching for my favorite bands live on Youtube, and this came up for Queens of the Stone Age, but it has CEE-LO and DAVE GROHL which is so sweet. Check it out punks.

The Montreal Screwjob

Holy moly. I've heard tall tales about the legendary Montreal Screwjob but I've never actually watched it until today.

For those ill informed, this screwjob took place in the WWF ("Oh boy he's talking about professional wrestling? I'm un-bookmarking this!") where the schedules match ending was botched because of contract disagreements between two legends, Bret Hart and Shawn Michaesl.



He didn't even tap!

Lights is cool.

So I crewed a gig with one okay band called Cute is What We Aim For and one shitty band called Boys Like Girls, but their opener was this trancy-techno chick named Lights. And she's totally awesome and for some reason I can't get this track out of my head.



So basically I've traded my balls in for the oppurtunity to enjoy this beautiful music.

Some dumb iTunes shuffle thing...a.k.a. "A Little Stronger"

Here it goes...

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Jimi Hendrix Experience-Crosstown Traffic

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
M.I.A.-Paper Planes

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Vampire Weekend-Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Kelly Clarkson-Since U Been Gone

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Beck-Devil's Haircut

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
KISS-Calling Dr. Love (finally a humorous one!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Eazy-E- We Want Eazy (two for two)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Queens of the Stone Age-No One Knows (three for three!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Cake-Nugget (lyrically this is sort of funny, I guess it works)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Kanye West-Stronger

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Common ft. Lily Allen-Drivin' Me Wild

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Guns 'n Roses-My Michelle

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Kanye West-Diamonds from Sierra Leone


WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Common-Be


WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Big D and the Kids Table-Wailing Paddle (Wow. Skank circle at my wedding?)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Isaac Hayes-Two Cool Guys (Oh yes that deep voice will rock the funeral)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Buckethead ft. Saul Williams-Three Fingers

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Crash Test Dummies-I Think I'll Disappear Now

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Dangerdoom ft. Cee-Lo-Benzi Box

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Gorillaz-Clint Eastwood

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
George Harrison-Got My Mind Set on You (jeez this has been sucking since Isaac Hayes)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
The Kinks-This Time Tomorrow

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
N*E*R*D*-Spaz

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Wolfmother-Joker & the Thief

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
The Hives-T.H.E.H.I.V.E.S. (inconclusive?)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Green Day-Basket Case


DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Lil Wayne ft. T-Pain-Got Money (hell yes.)


IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Red Hot Chili Peppers-Rollercoaster of Love

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
John Mayer-Good Love is on the Way (if it's on the way then it shouldn't hurt)


WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Code Anchor-A Little Stronger

Elemtary #1

Hey everybody. I'm thinking about making a weekly comic for my schools newspaper the Hofstra Chronicle (check it out at http://hofstrachronicle.com) and I just want a little feedback before I go shipping out a product. The comic is called "Elementary" and is basically a recollection of childhood events as well as some stereotypical childhood events through the eyes of an adult looking back. Because I've noticed that as I look back on things I change the wording, re-work the situation and add my adult self into the shoes of a 5-12 year old me. So here is issue #1, let me know what you think.

R.I.P. Mitch Mitchell

For those unaware Mitch Mitchell passed away today. For those unaware Mitchell was the drummer of the Jimi Hendrix Experience. Him and the late bassist Noel Redding are two of the most underrated musicians of all time and let's all just give Mr. Mitchell a moment of silence, or a moment of listening to any of the Experience albums.



Listen to "Manic Depression" if you have any doubt that Mitchell (and Redding as well) were on par with Hendrix musically.