The Top 5 Awesomely Terrible Songs

Now we all have those songs on our iPod’s that are meant to be funny, whether they be inside jokes that form from association, like that time we almost got Bill laid by putting on “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by Wham, or whether they’re actually funny songs like all of Weird Al’s famed discography. There is sarcasm there.

But in the day of Tenacious D and Flight of the Conchords, the art of making funny music seems to be mainly built on delivering offbeat punchlines over sweet instrumentals (I mean, Kyle Gass is a beast at guitar). But there is that market out there…those people that take themselves a bit too seriously, or perhaps go in the opposite direction and go completely off the deep end in an effort to gain notoriety, and with that I present to you…the top five songs that may be funny, but are also awesome.

5. The Rock ft. Slick Rick-Pie



It’s funny to think that a decade ago the Rock wasn’t a Hollywood star, but it always is a little fun to reminisce about the olden days of Rocky’s wrestling career. Whether it be his notable feuds, or his trademark promos, The Rock seemed to be the hands down king of pro wrestling. But the comedy-rap track off of WWF The Music: Volume 5 in 2001 “Pie” was met with harsh criticism, saying it wasn’t funny and it took away from Rocky’s credibility. Amazon.com user Jay Hunter deemed the song, “A rather poor attempt at the Rock at lyrical humour.” But…it’s one of those songs you just have to listen to, and in it’s poorness, it is genius. The Rock knows how absolutely corny the song is, but he runs with it and makes it an ingenious track that makes you want to show your friends, and has you humming along with gospel singers and spitting The Rock’s poorly delivered raps. Dats good pie!

4. Riskay-Smell Yo Dick



The title of the song makes you laugh, as does the hook “Why you comin’ home / 5 in tha morn / Somethings going on can I smell yo dick?” But this track is awesome because there is sincerity in it. Riskay actually wants to boil down to the problem she’s having and find out if her man is cheating or not, and what’s the easiest way? Smelling his dick when he comes home at 5 AM from a night of doing who knows what! And the verses are great, the third verse, done by rapper Real, is a highlight, denying his girl the right to smell his dick. If it weren’t for the chorus, this marvelous track would fumble, but Riskay hit the gold mine.

3. Leonard Nimoy- The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins



This cult hymn based on The Hobbit was and written by composer Charles Randolf Grean. The subject matter is laughable, and considering it’s Spock singing, the track loses all credibility and just becomes a hokey gimmick for Sci-Fi nerds. But what makes the “Ballad” great is the backing band, the music itself is incredibly catchy and they seemed to know just how to wrap the music around the stupidity of the lyrics. And the bassoon solo towards the end is just classic. Leonard really should be a mainstay in music, but I guess Shatner was too hard of a competitor.

2. Chuggo-Ah C’Mon



Canadian based rapper Chuggo is one of the ugliest and most annoying people I’ve ever seen. He’s short, he’s weird looking, and he carries a big skull staff wherever he goes. That enough gives him this spot on the list. However, on the track “Ah C’Mon” Chuggo really exceeds all of the weirdness contributed to him by his image alone. He raps like he has a disorder of sorts, and he fumbles lines in order to fit them into the beat. The first verse is classic in regard to his relentless confidence in the terrible, terrible rhymes, the blink-drink-stink-ink rhyme scheme is classic. And the video is a perfect sidekick to the music, placing Chuggo in front of green screens, throwing trashy women on top of him, and having his friends pretend like they’re driving a car when they clearly aren’t. But the beat is infectious, the simple piano line is extremely entertaining, and the rousing chorus will have you singing along before the song is even over. At the end of the video we see a Hollywood-esque sign in the hills that reads “Chuggo Would” and when you listen to this song, it all makes sense.

1. Kevin Federline- PopoZão



Most well known for his marriage to the talent-less Britney Spears, Kevin Federline went from being hated by the world, to being sympathized for, because after all, who wants to be the one guy to say he is the father of the bald umbrella wielding woman’s children? But who can forget K-Fed’s attempt at music, before he released his album Playing With Fire, he put the track “PopoZão” on the internet in hopes of gaining some buzz. But when critics bashed it’s corny themes and even cornier lyrics, Federline pulled it from the album. But let’s take a step back. What makes a pop track in this day and age? A good beat, PopoZão has this. A dance? Watch the video, Kevin gives this a dance. A catchy hook? The first time I heard it I couldn’t stop singing “Po-po-po-po PopoZão! PopoZão!” and what else, oh a talentless leech rapping? Federline fits the bill. This track is glorious, and the video of Federline in the studio is priceless, I mean, how many people can honestly sit in the studio, play their track and dance along like him? He just wants to see some po-po-zao.

Why doesn't this happen more often?

I was aimlessly searching for my favorite bands live on Youtube, and this came up for Queens of the Stone Age, but it has CEE-LO and DAVE GROHL which is so sweet. Check it out punks.

The Montreal Screwjob

Holy moly. I've heard tall tales about the legendary Montreal Screwjob but I've never actually watched it until today.

For those ill informed, this screwjob took place in the WWF ("Oh boy he's talking about professional wrestling? I'm un-bookmarking this!") where the schedules match ending was botched because of contract disagreements between two legends, Bret Hart and Shawn Michaesl.



He didn't even tap!

Lights is cool.

So I crewed a gig with one okay band called Cute is What We Aim For and one shitty band called Boys Like Girls, but their opener was this trancy-techno chick named Lights. And she's totally awesome and for some reason I can't get this track out of my head.



So basically I've traded my balls in for the oppurtunity to enjoy this beautiful music.

Some dumb iTunes shuffle thing...a.k.a. "A Little Stronger"

Here it goes...

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Jimi Hendrix Experience-Crosstown Traffic

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
M.I.A.-Paper Planes

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Vampire Weekend-Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Kelly Clarkson-Since U Been Gone

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Beck-Devil's Haircut

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
KISS-Calling Dr. Love (finally a humorous one!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Eazy-E- We Want Eazy (two for two)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Queens of the Stone Age-No One Knows (three for three!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Cake-Nugget (lyrically this is sort of funny, I guess it works)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Kanye West-Stronger

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Common ft. Lily Allen-Drivin' Me Wild

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Guns 'n Roses-My Michelle

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Kanye West-Diamonds from Sierra Leone


WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Common-Be


WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Big D and the Kids Table-Wailing Paddle (Wow. Skank circle at my wedding?)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Isaac Hayes-Two Cool Guys (Oh yes that deep voice will rock the funeral)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Buckethead ft. Saul Williams-Three Fingers

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Crash Test Dummies-I Think I'll Disappear Now

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Dangerdoom ft. Cee-Lo-Benzi Box

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Gorillaz-Clint Eastwood

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
George Harrison-Got My Mind Set on You (jeez this has been sucking since Isaac Hayes)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
The Kinks-This Time Tomorrow

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
N*E*R*D*-Spaz

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Wolfmother-Joker & the Thief

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
The Hives-T.H.E.H.I.V.E.S. (inconclusive?)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Green Day-Basket Case


DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Lil Wayne ft. T-Pain-Got Money (hell yes.)


IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Red Hot Chili Peppers-Rollercoaster of Love

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
John Mayer-Good Love is on the Way (if it's on the way then it shouldn't hurt)


WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Code Anchor-A Little Stronger

Elemtary #1

Hey everybody. I'm thinking about making a weekly comic for my schools newspaper the Hofstra Chronicle (check it out at http://hofstrachronicle.com) and I just want a little feedback before I go shipping out a product. The comic is called "Elementary" and is basically a recollection of childhood events as well as some stereotypical childhood events through the eyes of an adult looking back. Because I've noticed that as I look back on things I change the wording, re-work the situation and add my adult self into the shoes of a 5-12 year old me. So here is issue #1, let me know what you think.

R.I.P. Mitch Mitchell

For those unaware Mitch Mitchell passed away today. For those unaware Mitchell was the drummer of the Jimi Hendrix Experience. Him and the late bassist Noel Redding are two of the most underrated musicians of all time and let's all just give Mr. Mitchell a moment of silence, or a moment of listening to any of the Experience albums.



Listen to "Manic Depression" if you have any doubt that Mitchell (and Redding as well) were on par with Hendrix musically.

My first Watchmen rant

For all those who have been living under a rock and haven’t seen The Dark Knight, attached to it was that really weird trailer with the blue guy and the Smashing Pumpkins song for a movie called Watchmen. Now, as many of you know the film is based on a graphic novel of the same name written by the king of the medium Alan Moore. Now, when I saw Dark Knight, all the high school jocks and frat boys in the audience saw “From the director of 300” and started mumbling to each other, “Whoa dude, this is gonna be cool,” but Watchmen is the furthest thing from 300. Let’s just say the action that defined 300 is limited to about 3 sequences in Watchmen, and the plot is much more interesting than a few battles and a whore wife (who couldn’t act) trying to overthrow some stupid all male government.

But with this movie coming out I have one major qualm, and that is that a book that I’ve held closer than any other in recent years is more than likely going to be ruined by massive media hype, as well as an audience of millions that will only know it for it’s film version. While it’s cool to see the world exposed to the content, it’s one of those things that no matter how loyal it is to the book, reading it panel for panel is an experience that must be had to truly appreciate the work that is Watchmen. Alan Moore has never been a fan of his works being made to film, V for Vendetta is seemingly the closest one to the source material, and for those that have read the book, it’s really not that close at all. So of course Mr. Moore would be upset about seeing his child, and the most beloved work in the graphic novel medium, get the same treatment. I just feel as though the novel is fantastic as a standalone piece of media and should be experienced in it’s original content before it’s seen on movie screens. All of you Harry Potter fans probably have similar feelings towards those movies.




With that in mind, I beg all of you who saw that trailer, liked it, and haven’t read the graphic novel to get out there and do it. And for those who think that because it’s a comic book it’ll be all fun and light like Iron Man, you’re incredibly wrong. Let me put it this way, Watchmen as a book is about 100 times better than The Dark Knight was as a movie. So for those of you who thought that Dark Knight was the first “deep” comic book experience, you are very, very wrong. The philosophies of all the characters, as well as the overall depth exceed anything that Dark Knight threw and the originality is so sharp and unpredictable. And I don’t mean to make it like I disliked Dark Knight, I thought it was fantastic, but the feeling that was going through me as I left the theater wasn’t even comparable to that of when I finished Watchmen for the first time.


I’m not going to rant and rave anymore about something that damn near changed my life some three years ago, I’m going to make a desperate call to you readers unfamiliar with the source material. Read Watchmen, I urge you too, hell I will go to you with my copy and hand it to you myself if it gets you to read that book before the movie comes out. Because god knows we’ve lost V and the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen to the millions who are “too cool to read comic books.” Think about it. And seriously, I will bring you my copy if it gets you to read it.

Eagles of Death Metal are AWESEOME!

For those unfamiliar with Eagles of Death Metal, take Josh Homme from Queens of the Stone Age, add in the equally talented and insane Jesse Hughes and you have the coolest rock I've heard all year.

Check out this track.



The album is Heart On and it will rock your face off.

Check this out.

c/o iGoogle, when you do this look at one of the yellow dots and the other two will disappear.



DAMN!

Fanboys?

This movie has been on my radar for a while and it finally looks like it's gonna see the light of day.



Apparently there were some issues over the content, cause the Weinstein's wanted a more marketable outcome. I just pray it's good because god knows half the people in it aren't funny. George Lucas loved it, but then again he directed the prequel trilogy and you'd think he has to like his own movies.

The greatest music video of all time...

Now a lot of people say that Fatboy Slim's "Weapon of Choice" is the greatest video of all time, but nothing epitomizes the 90's and G Funk more than Snoop Dogg's "Who Am I? (What's My Name?)" because it's just a hilarious video and the song is so darned catchy.

The future?

Let's be honest, this blog doesn't get updated all that often.

Because again, let's be honest, I don't have too much to say all the time, unless you want short entries where I write two sentences about how much I hate a certain album, song, artist, or how much I love it.

And let's not forget that I'm pretty much a nerd in general. Just like Dwight Schrute I have seen many films (I don't know whether or not the number is more than 240, I feel like it is) and I clock in many an hour watching my usual programs. So from hencefourth...Winch's Listening Corner is no longer solely a "listening" corner...but just a blog.


"But Dave, does this mean you'll stop giving us insightful lists about your favorite music and artists?"

No Mr. Christ, it means that I'm just going to do what everybody does. Post shit that makes me laugh, or makes me think, or things I happen to be thinking.

So let's all have fun okay?