Review: Swan Songs by Hollywood Undead

They were on sale at Sports Authority!


Let me begin by professing my love for nü- metal. I love nü-metal. A lot of people ask me why? I don’t know, it just hits the spot when I need it to, simple as that. Limp Bizkit’s Significant Other was the first CD I remember using my own money to buy, granted it was censored, but I was in the seventh grade.

In the case of the three kings of nü-metal, Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit and Korn, the common factor is the strong musicianship backing up the somewhat lackluster lyricists of Mike Shinoda, Fred Durst, and Jonathon Davis respectively. But in the genre, the lyrics don’t exactly matter, they’re not channeling great MC’s like NaS or Talib Kweli, they’re screaming about driving their cars and doing things their way and telling people to shut up when they talk. But not once, not ever, have I taken these bands seriously. I love the musicians in Limp Bizkit and Korn, and I admit that Linkin Park can hold their own, but I completely understand how some consider the genre to be a skid mark on rock and roll’s history. I don’t, but I understand if you do.

So with my love for the genre in mind, you can imagine that when I heard about California’s Hollywood Undead, I was excited. A new nü-metal band? It seemed too good to be true. I’d seen some critics trash them, but that’s to be expected. Limp Bizkit’s classic Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water got butchered by critics. “Whatever,” I said, “No big deal, I’m sure if they have their heads in the right place, they’ll make fun music.” So with that I dove into their debut LP Swan Songs, excited for the genres regeneration. And to add to Songs’ credibility, Don Gilmore, producer of Linkin Park’s first two album, put his producer stamp on this. A passing of the torch perhaps?

The album starts with the steady rockin’ “Undead” which samples The Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams” while layering gang vocals and mindless rap. What struck me instantly on the first track, is that while the music kicked some serious behind, the lyrics weren’t like that of the great gods of Durst, Shinoda and Davis, but more along the lines of Lil’ John. They were actually trying to rap over the mildly good metal grooves. It took a moment to set in, but I got over the ridiculousness of that. I said to myself, “I can get behind this if it gets better musically throughout the album.”


Slipknot doesn't wear scene clothes!

Little did I know that Hollywood Undead had absolutely no clue what they wanted there sound to be when they made this album. They spend most of the it jumping back and forth between somewhat heavy tracks and goofy party rock tracks. I thought I was going to be listening to a new age Linkin Park, but instead I was getting a stupidly bad-ass LMFAO. The “rappers” Charlie Scene, J-Dog, Johnny 3 Tears, Funny Man and Da Kurlzz have absolutely no idea how to construct lyrics without coming off like complete and utter morons. I said only a few paragraphs up that even the iconic nü-metal singers couldn’t write decent lyrics, but they never went out and tried to make songs that read like real radio rap music. In the albums low point, “Everywhere I Go”, one of the rappers (I can’t tell the difference most of the time) spits the lyric “Gotta get drunk before my mom wakes up / Break-up with my girlfriend so I can bang sluts.” And did I mention that the chorus of the song Charlie Scene makes several references to his “weenie” in the same song?

What also makes “Everywhere” a terrible song is the way it’s rapped. Charlie Scene, or whomever it is, channels Eminem incredibly poorly. Trying to be that Slim Shady-esque character made famous in tracks like “My Name Is” before kicking the chorus with a Fall Out Boy like whine, again, referring to his “weenie” more than once during every chorus.

The band also reminds me of another similar band, Chronic Future, the only difference being that Chronic Future makes pop-punk infused rap music, not heavy metal. There’s some uppity vibe sent out by Chronic Future that makes their happy music generally work, while Hollywood Undead talk about having meaningless sex, drinking and smoking marijuana while trying to layer keyboards and drum machines. My advice; if you want to make this music work, don’t overdo the novelty instruments. In this case, the keys are certainly novelty. Very, very much so. Most of the album is overly layered with this stuff.

And just when they appear to have done everything in their power to make me dislike them, the band goes back into a sad rock song about why life is meaningless, or something along those lines. While the albums most popular single, “Young” does convey a decent amount of competence on the part of the musicians and the singers, that and the first track alone don’t have nearly enough power to keep the album stable.

With that being said, Hollywood Undead is a hopeless cause. Garbed in their hockey masks, but rapping about how everyone knows who they are, talking about how hardcore they are and then singing about taking their clothes off in the club and wearing scene clothes, Hollywood Undead are just a musical contradiction. I don’t recommend this album to anyone, unless you find the masterful work of LMFAO to be not hardcore enough, but on the right track.